Darwin Weeps Ep 1
Alabama Firefighters had to pry a dinosaur off a girl.
It took firefighters half an hour to pry the head of a Barney the purple dinosaur off of 15-year-old Darby Risner.
Afterward, Darby said, “I was so happy I just had to laugh, I was really worried for a while there that they wouldn't be able to get it off of me."
Comon, it would have made for a perfect reality show- In a world where dinosaurs have been extinct for millions of years comes a girl who’s have human, have dinosaur but all woman. Coming this fall It’s, Darby, the purple headed monster.
Darby's ordeal began on Sunday evening while she was at a sleepover and she found the purple costume head in the basement.
"I want to scare my friends, so I put it on and waited for them to come downstairs," she said. "It didn't scare them."
←
Darby said she didn't immediately try to take the head off because everybody was laughing and having fun.
"When it started to get hot, I tried to push it off," she said. "That's when I realized it was stuck."
The teenager said she didn't panic at first.
But "the head's big and slipped down over my shoulders and my arms were pinned," "That made me nervous."
So her friends and a parent rubbed Vaseline on her arms "and tried to push it off," Darby said. "But it kept slipping down."
This story is just full of innuendo; they used Vaseline to try and get a purple headed monster off.
It was at that point that Darby got panicky.
"The worst moment was when I had to throw up," she said. "All my friends were like, 'No! No! No!' It would have had to sit in there with me, so I fought it back."
Darby said after her friends tried and failed several more times to get the head off, (insert Bevis and Butthead laugh here) she was marched upstairs and out of the house and driven to the Trussville Fire Department. She said she could not see anything but she could hear the firefighters laughing when she was led inside the station.
"They found it hilarious," she said.
But even the firefighters couldn't get the head off.
"She's so little that when they lifted the head, it lifted her off the ground so they had to hold down her feet," said Trussville Fire Lt. Vince Bruno. "And with the Vaseline on her arms, they said it was like trying to wrestle a greased pig."
Eventually, Darby said, the firefighters brought out a tool of some kind "and started cutting these slits."
Seriouly, purple headed monster, tool, slits; this story just gets more and more suggestive.
"Then they pulled really hard and it popped off," she said. "It was a big relief."
Darby said that when she was younger she was a fan of the purple dinosaur and his "I Love You" song. "But Not really, anymore," Darby said, laughing. "All of this was really nerve-wracking."
In the land of the brain dead the man with half a brain is king, but still a dumbass apparently.
The dispute over a question most considered resolved centuries ago boiled over around 10:30 p.m. Monday at St. Lawrence Park in Brockville, Ont.
Police said a 56-year-old Brockville man was at a campsite with his son and his son's girlfriend when the woman began insisting that the Earth is flat.
Oh, all I can say is she must be gorgeous. I doubt the son keeps her around for her conversational skills and keen insight.
The older man insisted the Earth is round and became so enraged he began throwing objects into the campfire, including a propane cylinder.
Brockville firefighters were called to put out the campfire. By the time police arrived at the scene, the man had left.
Brockville police are looking for the man and say they expect to charge him with mischief.
That just sounds like a weird thing to be charged with.
So, whacha in for? Triple homoside, you? I was making… Mischief.
Holy Shit people are weird-
You never know when God will send you a sign.
Some people claim He talks to them in their dreams. Some find Him in their toast. And Florida’s Katy Vazquez found Him through her newborn baby.
But not through his birth.
She wrote on her Facebook page:
Sometimes in our busy, crazy, hectic lives, we forget how wonderful our God is. Today I feel as though he sent me a sign. Saying everything will be okay. I’m right here by your side.
This sign came in the oddest form. My babies poop. I went to change his diaper, and he pooped a cross. It might not be the prettiest sign, but he put it where he knew I’d see it. In my babies diaper. Lol. Hard to miss what’s right there in front of you.
If you can, or want to, feel free to share the message. That God is with us. And he gives us signs to let us know that things will be OK. It’s not always the prettiest sign, but he puts it where he knows we’ll see it. We’re good most of the time, but God is good all the time.
We are one in love yes. Amen.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and if the Holy Ghost.
I believe all things are possible with God and feces.
I added that land part.